The New Audit Report

As a result of new language concerning critical audit matters (CAMs), I decided to take a stab at revising the audit report including adding additional language.

We, the independent third-party audit firm, were asked to “audit” management’s approximate calculations and judgements of the financial statements for X Company and give the user “reasonable assurance” that the amounts on the financial statements are close enough. We did not look for fraud or errors, unless the fraud or error was big enough (material), and we do not disclose what material means as it relates to this audit. The financial statements look pretty, are sufficiently long, and contain all the required US GAAP unintelligible fancy accounting language. Since we are okay with management’s financial statements, our opinion is the highest level of assurance (without guaranty) we can give that the financial statements are proper and contain no omissions or misstatements that were big enough to influence a user’s decisions about the Company.

The Company paid us, the audit firm, $XXXXXX, as the lowest “qualified” bidder, for this opinion so you could have the utmost confidence in the financial statements when making financial decisions about the Company. The audit firm earns fees, which we aren’t obligated to tell you about, performing non-attest services for the Company but that did not influence our independence as it relates to the audit of these financial statements. Pursuant to new reporting standards, we are providing critical audit matters (CAMs) as described in the boilerplate language below in hopes this will provide additional information about our audit and keep us from getting sued or at the very least getting our hand slapped by one of the various agencies who oversee us, the audit firm.

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